May 5, 2011

Waking up...

This post is a little personal but I figure that the people who read my blog already are close to me and won't mind.  It's also seemingly inconsequential but it certainly didn't feel like it to me at the time, and even now looking back.  It all started with my dream last night. 

It finally happened, I got my miracle.  My prayers had been answered and I was finally pregnant.  It was such a blessing.  I understood my Heavenly Fathers plan for me and all of that waiting finally made sense.  You know how sometimes dreams are just a jumbled mess and don't make a whole lot of sense?  Well this one wasn't like that.  This one made complete sense.  I couldn't wait to tell Aaron!  The complete JOY of it was amazing.  It was the best feeling!  Through the dream I kept going from family member to family member telling them that I was pregnant and it was amazing.  It was like real life, I just went about my days.  I was pretty protective of my belly but I was so happy!  This dream lasted the whole night... 

...and then I woke up.  It was such an instant disappointment and heart break that I couldn't believe I had to wake up and come back to reality.  Why couldn't my dream be my reality?  I just wanted to go back to my dream.  It left an ache and a hole that stayed for most of the morning.  When is my time? 

I didn't write this so that people would feel sorry for me because that's not what I want.  I'm more content and at peace with my situation than I have ever been.  Although right now all this waiting doesn't necessarily make sense yes, I know that God has a plan for me and I just have to be patient.  I've been promised children and I know that He will follow through on his promises.  I know it will happen at some point and I know I have been blessed in my patience and in my faith.  I feel very similar to my sister and how she is feeling in her own life right now.  She is praying for a miracle but isn't sure if it coincides with God's will and I am doing the same thing.  I think all we can do is keep praying in faith for our individual miracles until God's will is revealed to us.  This isn't a poor me post for sympathy, this is a post more for me than for anyone else.  This is what I'm feeling and I needed to put it into words.


  1. Hugs. What an excellent perspective.

  2. Wow what an amazing person you are! I love you guys and am praying for you as well!

  3. I love you guys, and I too know God has a plan for you and that plan includes babies. We all love you and are praying for you two.